


Hero

by Rogue of Heart (Akumeoi)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Gen, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-27
Updated: 2013-08-27
Packaged: 2018-02-10 16:35:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2032104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akumeoi/pseuds/Rogue%20of%20Heart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat deals with the aftermath of Nepeta's canon death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hero

“TH1S 1S TH3 PLACE,” Terezi said, “1’M SUR3 OF 1T. 1 C4N ST1LL SM3LL TH3 BLOOD.”

Karkat shook his head. “YEAH, WELL THE BODIES SEEM TO HAVE TAKEN A LITTLE OUTING WITHOUT US,” he said, his annoyed tone masking the ice in the pit of his stomach. According to Terezi, Nepeta and Equius had died in this room, but only a few traces of blue and green blood marked the bare metal floors. It seemed the demonic cleaning crew was IN.

For the tenth time, Karkat wondered, Why Nepeta? Equius, he felt slightly bad about, not because they had really been friends with the creep, but because it had been he, Karkat, who had ordered Equius to his death. Karkat’s unhappiness about said death was currently contributing to the general shock and sorrow he was feeling about Feferi, Kanaya, and Sollux.

But Nepeta…

She had been his friend just as much as Sollux or Kanaya had, but she wasn’t coming back. The unhappy truth of this thought cu through the dull ache in his heart to pierce him like the arrows that had taken down her companion. And now nothing remained of her, not even a corpse. He hadn’t even had the chance to say goodbye.

Karkat was past the point of yelling and raging in anger about the horrible, tragic things that had happened to him over the course of the past 48 hours, but he didn’t really know what else he could do to express his wailing unhappiness.

“FUCKING HELL, GAMZEE,” he said, clenching his fists.

“H3Y, 1F YOU WANT TH3 BOD13S B4CK, YOU T4LK TO H1M. H3’S YOUR MO1R41L,” Terezi said unsympathetically.

“NO, DUMBASS, I DON’T WANT THEIR BODIES BACK, I WANT THEM ALIVE. BUT THAT’S NOT GOING TO FUCKING HAPPEN,” Karkat replied.

Terezi sighed. “OH, GROW UP, K4RK4T,” she said, turning and leaving the room. Karkat belatedly remembered that Nepeta had been one of Terezi’s best friends. But that thought just made him feel more empty. 

It was then that his husktop alerted him to the fact that someone was trying to message him. He growled at it to shut up. He might have ignored it indefinitely if he hadn’t caught a flash of olive-green out of the corner of his eye and seen that it was Nepeta messaging him.

Who could possibly be so insensitive as to use Nepeta’s Trollian account now?

If it was Gamzee, he was going to kill that son of a bitch, moirail or motherfucking not. Karkat snatched up his husktop, fully prepared to tear into whoever it was, but then saw that familiar cat face at the front of the first line, and the time stamp beside her name, and knew.

Past Nepeta. Contacting him as he stood at the scene of her death. He thought he was going to throw up or something.

**\--PAST arsenicCatnip [PAC] began pestering CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG]--**  
PAC: :33 ~ hey, karkitty! :DD  
PAC: :33 ~ you dont have to answer this meowsage if you dont want to  
PAC: :33 ~ its just that i know something bad is going to happen soon, so i have to tell you something impawtant  
PAC: :33 ~ karkitty, i am flushed fur you  
PAC: :33 ~ i dont think its recipurrocated, which is why i had to wait until now to tell you  
PAC: :33 ~ but i thought you should know that somekitty loves you with all her furry little heart  
PAC: :33 ~ beclaws you are her hero!!  
PAC: :33 ~ i wish you all the best and i hope you are happy, beclaws you really deserve it after all youve done fur the rest of us  
PAC: ♥♥  
PAC: :33 ~ ps i ship you with terezi ;))  
 **\--[PAC] ceased pestering [CCG]--**

It was too much. It was just too much. Karkat snapped the husktop shut, shoved it unceremoniously back into his sylladex, and stomped off to his private room. There he spent a good half hour pacing around and thinking of nothing at all.

When he finally got himself together, he re-read the message and tried to understand.

She knew. She knew she was going to die, so she had sent him this message.

How had she known? Why hadn’t she tried to do anything? Maybe hanging out with Aradia had made her fatalistic with regards to time.

He had been right, she loved him. And, he was her hero. Him, Karkat? How could that be? He’d never gone out of his way for her, never done anything particularly special for her. Well, he’d rp’d with her, against his better judgment, but that was tiny compared with what he should have done for her. At the time he’d been afraid that showing her favour would have encouraged her crush, but now he wished that he had let her spend the end of her life in a happy delusion.

But she hadn’t. Nepeta had known that he couldn’t love her as much as she loved him, but she had kept on loving him anyway. Karkat didn’t remember exactly when it was that he’d realized that in every conversation, she was sweetly but subtly telling him, “I love mew.” But he wished that he could have said it back to her, just once.

And now she was dead.

“Fuck you, Nepeta, I’m not anyone’s hero,” he muttered.

He looked again at her letter. The green words, the familiar two-mouthed cat. Also dead.

It mocked him, demanding some kind of reply, any reply, to the dying words of a girl who had loved him. Well, screw it, he decided. He couldn’t make himself feel any worse than he did already. He would tell Nepeta all these things, so that she would see how disgusting he truly was.

But no, he couldn’t. He wouldn’t. Break her heart, that is. Even in death.

But he could, and would write her a reply. 

**\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering arsenicCatnip [AC]--**  
CG: HEY, NEPETA.  
CG: I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU HOW FUCKING PISSED I AM THAT YOU’RE DEAD.  
CG: AND I KNOW IT MUST SEEM WEIRD TO EVERYONE ELSE THAT I DIDN’T KILL GAMZEE IN RETALIATION FOR IT, BUT I KNOW YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND.  
CG: JUST SO YOU KNOW, YOU WERE RIGHT WHEN YOU SAID I WASN’T FLUSHED FOR YOU.  
CG: THANKS FOR NOT FORCING ME TO ADMIT IT OF MY OWN VOLITION.  
CG: I’M REALLY SORRY THAT I COULDN’T GIVE YOU MORE THAN JUST FRIENDSHIP.  
CG: BUT I SWEAR I’D GO TO THE END OF THE WORLD FOR YOU RIGHT NOW, AND DO ANYTHING TO BRING YOU BACK.  
CG: WILL IT MAKE YOU HAPPY IF I TRY AND WORK SOMETHING OUT WITH TEREZI?  
CG: WHAT AM I SAYING?  
CG: OF COURSE IT WOULDN'T.  
CG: WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME TO BE IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE?  
CG: I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO FATHOM HOW MUCH YOU MUST HAVE LIKED ME.  
CG: I DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT KIND OF WEIRD EMOTIONAL BULLSHIT. IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY FUCKING SENSE.  
CG: SORRY, I DIDN'T MEAN TO INSULT YOU.  
CG: IT'S JUST  
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT, ENOUGH OF THE BULLSHIT.  
CG: I GUESS WHAT I’M REALLY TRYING TO SAY IS THAT I DON’T KNOW HOW GOOD OF A HERO I WAS FOR YOU,  
CG: BUT I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT YOU WERE MINE.


End file.
